Election 2006

Things I would like to see more of in victory speeches:

• Secret police arresting the (anti-establishment) candidate, never to be seen again
• The candidate proposes marriage to someone in the audience
• The ghost of the defeated opponent, whom only the candidate can see
• Obscene gestures
• The speech as normal, except instead of cheering supporters, it's the candidate's teddy bears
• A massive cerebral hemorrhage, and the candidate dies with a huge smile on his face

Things I would like to see more of in concession speeches:

• "The Jewish mercantile interest, which has worked secretly against my campaign from day one"
• The candidate announces that you had your chance, pulls out a remote, and detonates a hidden bomb
• The candidate tells his supporters, "you let me down. I trusted you, and you didn't come through for me."
• The candidate, giving his concession speech to a completely empty hall, except for the TV cameras. Echo a plus
• Sobbing
• The candidate, stinking drunk