It's Better Than Vodka & Postum
As you may have noticed, American beer isn't very good. Not the lah-di-dah micro-brewed beer, which isn't very good either, but the mass-produced, thin mild lagers that are practically metonyms for the lower class. Budweiser, Schlitz, Miller: It's a bottomless well.
I want to head off the people who say that American-style beer can't be good, because it's too popular. Those people know not what they say. German-style beer is popular with Germans, and English-style beer is popular among the English, and those are reasonably well-regarded. Coca-Cola has always been a crowd-pleaser, and heaven knows I can't get enough of it. Indeed, fifty million Frenchmen can't be wrong. If so many Americans like American beer, you'd think it would be likable.
But it turns out that Budweiser is pretty gross. Interestingly, it's bad in a different way from Coors or Schlitz, but they all fall tragically short of the Platonic Ideal of cheap American beer. They're all sour or cloying or just a little bit rotten. It's not like they're missing anything -- if anything they have too much of the wrong flavors. Watery is what you're supposed to be going for, but it's never quite right. And when you come to think of it, that's a tragedy, because it's such a nice idea. Like alcoholic barley water, or starchy Gatorade, it would be the perfect thing to drink when it's really hot out. Old World beer is nice, but you can tell that it never really gets above 80 in Northern Europe. "Hydration" was not in Johnson's Dictionary.
I'm not sure anyone likes American beer. Miller Lite says it has a "Great Taste" but does anyone believe it? Even its Wikipedia page is defensive, with the "characteristics" section given over to explanations of why this beer is less good than all others. Forget racism -- our beer is clearly our national shame, and if Barack Obama is serious about healing America's psychic rift, well, I know where he can start.
Since nobody much likes American beer, I feel silly asking, but are there any good American lagers out there? I'd be willing to settle for an expensive micro-brewed one, but I feel like the true patriotic experience wouldn't be complete if I paid more than 60 cents per can. Then all I need is the wife-beater and a union job, and I'll be all set.
I want to head off the people who say that American-style beer can't be good, because it's too popular. Those people know not what they say. German-style beer is popular with Germans, and English-style beer is popular among the English, and those are reasonably well-regarded. Coca-Cola has always been a crowd-pleaser, and heaven knows I can't get enough of it. Indeed, fifty million Frenchmen can't be wrong. If so many Americans like American beer, you'd think it would be likable.
But it turns out that Budweiser is pretty gross. Interestingly, it's bad in a different way from Coors or Schlitz, but they all fall tragically short of the Platonic Ideal of cheap American beer. They're all sour or cloying or just a little bit rotten. It's not like they're missing anything -- if anything they have too much of the wrong flavors. Watery is what you're supposed to be going for, but it's never quite right. And when you come to think of it, that's a tragedy, because it's such a nice idea. Like alcoholic barley water, or starchy Gatorade, it would be the perfect thing to drink when it's really hot out. Old World beer is nice, but you can tell that it never really gets above 80 in Northern Europe. "Hydration" was not in Johnson's Dictionary.
I'm not sure anyone likes American beer. Miller Lite says it has a "Great Taste" but does anyone believe it? Even its Wikipedia page is defensive, with the "characteristics" section given over to explanations of why this beer is less good than all others. Forget racism -- our beer is clearly our national shame, and if Barack Obama is serious about healing America's psychic rift, well, I know where he can start.
Since nobody much likes American beer, I feel silly asking, but are there any good American lagers out there? I'd be willing to settle for an expensive micro-brewed one, but I feel like the true patriotic experience wouldn't be complete if I paid more than 60 cents per can. Then all I need is the wife-beater and a union job, and I'll be all set.
posted by apk01004 at 1:47 AM
3 Comments:
Yeungling is probably the better tasting of mass-produced domestics. Of course, this could just be because it's not available in CT and so has the same increased cool factor that cigarettes have long perfected.
Wait, was this just a ploy to see who would comment on the beer post?
You see? Even now, nobody has any faith that this isn't just a snare, and that I don't plan to use your beer recommendation against you.
Is domestic beer that unlovable? I have good taste, damn it.
Think about it. We all like beer, right? And I'm sure as an American, you like water. Well, have you ever considered mixing them?
Dismiss it by calling it a microbrew or dismiss it by saying that it only serves "those" people but there is one good beer brewed for the general market ans served across town and its region and that is Anchor Steam. I know, I know ... San Francisco is not the US of A but technically ...
And, Jack London would have quaffed it and probably given one to Buck to lap down.
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