Great Moments in Banter

Somebody accidentally hit a light switch, prompting Obama to ask:
''Who turned off the lights, guys?''

-- sample of the humor Obama is said to have dispensed at the Summit of the Americas.

STAY PUFT

Knuckle tattoo:

On the knuckles of the left hand, MARX. On the right, RAND.

Prestidigitation

A question for all you stage magicians out there:

Suppose you truly had the magic power of clairvoyance, and were able to know the order of a pack of playing cards without looking. What would be a good trick to devise such that any reasonable person, layman or expert illusionist, would be forced to conclude that you weren't a charlatan?

To put it another way, magic tricks usually turn on hurdles that the magician sets up for himself, to make his eventual ability to pick the right card all the more amazing ("I'll pick the card... blindfolded!" or "I'll use a brand-new, factory-sealed, unaltered pack of cards") although of course, they turn out to be no real impediment to a skilled magician. Is there a simple obstacle, or set of obstacles, that it is genuinely impossible to overcome without supernatural powers?

Possible Items In A Magazine for Autistic People

• Letters to the copy editor
  
• 'Popular Jokes, Explained'
• 'Banging Your Head Against the Wall: Do's and Don'ts.'
  
• 'We Rank the Greatest Numbers of All Time!'
• 'Take the Turing Self-Quiz'
  
• 'Other People: Why Bother?'
• Soothing, white overstimulation page
  
• 'The Hottest Celebrities with a Prime Number of Letters in Their Names!'
• 'Obsession Corner'
• 'Answers to Frequently-Asked Small Talk'
• Blackjack column