How to be a Moral Philosopher

1) Draw all your hang-ups, preferences, prejudices, likes, cultural biases and cranky contrarianisms at random on a large sheet of paper. The good ones go in black pencil and the bad ones go in red pencil.

2) Draw a wobbly circle around the moral preferences leaving in the black ones and leaving out the red ones. This line is your moral theory.

4) Tell everyone your line is a perfect circle and it's their lines that are wobbly.

3) Be sure to leave out one black one or leave in one red one. This will become your "issue". If you write about it enough you will get tenure.