How to Get out of Bed
If you are like me this is the hardest part of your day. Nothing can be harder than leaving a warm soft flat place for a cold hard upright one where anything can happen and nothing good. It doesn't even help to have an Important Appointment early in the morning. When I wake up at 6 AM my thoughts are disordered and the important appointment never seems as important as going back to sleep. The number of Pressing Engagements I have skipped rather than get out of bed is really awful.
I have tried just everything. I have tried setting the alarm an hour early, taking a caffeine pill and resetting the alarm. That doesn't work. It just makes my heart palpitate as I sleep which is kind of neat (try it sometime) but does not actually wake me up.
I have tried ditto but with cold pills (pseudoephedrine) which actually does wake me up and make me anxious to take on the day. I would actually recommend this if you have a really important once-a-month affair to wake up for. Cold pills do not work every day. Believe it or not, you can get tolerant to them. I have been there and back, and I am here to warn you.
Setting the alarm early and hitting the snooze button continuously for an hour or so is not a good idea. I used to think it was a good idea, to ease into the day, but it is not. It gives you an hour to do nothing but to reflect on how bad your life is.
Until now I thought the easiest way to get up was to set your alarm as late as possible, and get up every day in a panic, hurry through all your morning routines as fast as possible and then rush out the door. I guess that works but it results in not shaving because you don't have the time. And bad habits like that.
But now I have the solution to the problem of getting up in the morning. It works on any two people who are sleeping in the same bed. (to my single readers I am sorry that I made you read this far hopefully) When the alarm goes off, person X literally forces person Y out of bed. Pushes him onto the floor if necessary. It works best of there are no couches or chairs around for Y to drag himself to pitifully. Y can try to get back into bed but X must not let him.
Y can then go splash cold water in his face, or do whatever else wakes him up. When he is fully wide awake, and not before, he comes back to the bed and drags X out. He does not let X get back in bed, or lie down anywhere else. Sooner or later, X will liven up, and X & Y can start their respective days.
Most of the burden in this strategy is on Y not to leave the bedroom and just curl up on the floor, which would be catastrophic. Y is definitely the keystone in this two stone arch, so maybe Y should be better at getting up in the morning than X. Also it is important that X and Y are both not violent or very nasty people, since this plan does involve shoving and wrenching and it would be too bad if somebody took it personally.
Those warnings aside, I really think this is it. I am so excited.
I have tried just everything. I have tried setting the alarm an hour early, taking a caffeine pill and resetting the alarm. That doesn't work. It just makes my heart palpitate as I sleep which is kind of neat (try it sometime) but does not actually wake me up.
I have tried ditto but with cold pills (pseudoephedrine) which actually does wake me up and make me anxious to take on the day. I would actually recommend this if you have a really important once-a-month affair to wake up for. Cold pills do not work every day. Believe it or not, you can get tolerant to them. I have been there and back, and I am here to warn you.
Setting the alarm early and hitting the snooze button continuously for an hour or so is not a good idea. I used to think it was a good idea, to ease into the day, but it is not. It gives you an hour to do nothing but to reflect on how bad your life is.
Until now I thought the easiest way to get up was to set your alarm as late as possible, and get up every day in a panic, hurry through all your morning routines as fast as possible and then rush out the door. I guess that works but it results in not shaving because you don't have the time. And bad habits like that.
But now I have the solution to the problem of getting up in the morning. It works on any two people who are sleeping in the same bed. (to my single readers I am sorry that I made you read this far hopefully) When the alarm goes off, person X literally forces person Y out of bed. Pushes him onto the floor if necessary. It works best of there are no couches or chairs around for Y to drag himself to pitifully. Y can try to get back into bed but X must not let him.
Y can then go splash cold water in his face, or do whatever else wakes him up. When he is fully wide awake, and not before, he comes back to the bed and drags X out. He does not let X get back in bed, or lie down anywhere else. Sooner or later, X will liven up, and X & Y can start their respective days.
Most of the burden in this strategy is on Y not to leave the bedroom and just curl up on the floor, which would be catastrophic. Y is definitely the keystone in this two stone arch, so maybe Y should be better at getting up in the morning than X. Also it is important that X and Y are both not violent or very nasty people, since this plan does involve shoving and wrenching and it would be too bad if somebody took it personally.
Those warnings aside, I really think this is it. I am so excited.
posted by apk01004 at 8:28 PM
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