The Ultimate Christian

The guy who has this website is so cool. If they have a worldwide contest to see who is the ultimate Christian, he is going to bear away the bell. You might think it was the Pope but no! He is disqualified (for being the Antichrist). Let's look at some highlights:

• The New King James Bible: Counterfeit. In short, a symbol is on the cover of the new King James Bible, and it is somebody's fault. You can see, it's pretty evil.
  
  

• Charismatic Chaos. I didn't know real Christians looked down on Charismatics. I thought they were just too uptight to get in on the fun. Although maybe that's why they do. Some fun Charismatic quotes:
  
  "Your cup is not full, your cup is not full, I want to fill it..."
  "Tongues is over with. Nobody can do that anymore."
  "Hubba da dubba--do it. Hubba da dubba dubba."
  "The more I told people what hell was like, the more they laughed."

• Is a Sense of Humor a Needful Thing? No. This guy is hardcore. Vocabulary points for needful, if it weren't so clear he stole it from the Bible.
  

• King James I of England Page. This clinches it. No other Christian in the world is cool enough to have a James I fansite. I always thought he was kind of a medium-bad king, but what do you know. He was called "England's Solomon", and if you think he was gay, you are nothing but an anti-Scots racist (the worst kind).
  On the other hand, it states that "he required constant attention." Was this great man really a whiny baby? Undoubtedly a lie, spread by partisans of the NIV and sodomite activists. Congratulations, my internet friend. Ten thousand blessings will be yours in Heaven.