iPhone

You will be pleased to know that it exists. Fun fact: Because of a branding error, the "I" in iPod stands for "internet."

Has anybody else noticed that all these products (which you know more about than I do) do the same thing? No, scratch that; they do almost all of the same things. There are portable devices that let you call people and play games, portable devices that let you call people and listen to music, portable devices that let you play games and watch videos -- it's like there are 10 entertainment options in the world, and each new iSomething picks 7 or 8 of them, like spending character points in an RPG.

Well, the iPhone seems to have gotten especially good rolls at the character-creation stage, because it does it all, from spotting traps and resisting magic to videos and something called "maps". At first, I thought the iPhone couldn't take photos, and that was its fatal flaw. But looking closer at the picture, I see that it does. It's just, we're all so bored with photos that Apple didn't need to mention it. Who cares, indeed.

In order to break the stranglehold that iPhones will soon establish over the market, the other manufacturers (or at least Apple, which doesn't actually seem to have any competitors) are going to have to come up with some more ways to entertain you. If your idea of a good time is playing games on the internet while text messaging photos to your e-pen-e-pal, then the iPhone is for you. Just try not to leave it on the roof of your car.

But what if you want more? It's not like there haven't been any new entertainment options since the zoeotrope. Up-and-coming mp3-player manufacturers, how about:

• Switchblade
• RC car
• Defibrillator
• Cigarette lighter
• Ripcord-operated helicopter toy
• Blood-sugar level reader
• Plush toy
• Status symbol