Capitalist Running Dog

I have a new hobby! I write nice little letters to my favorite corporations, telling them how much I love their products. I'm such a cool dude, you might think I'm doing it as an ironic commentary on our national relationship with corporations, but you give me too much credit. There are some things I just really like. I've already written letters to the Coca-Cola corporation, and to the company that makes Tabasco sauce. Sometimes you find that your feelings can't be hidden.

At first, it feels stupid. What do you say to Coca-Cola? Other than that they rock? But the words come, and let me tell you: Writing a fan letter to a corporation is the best feeling in the world. Unlike writing a weirdly complimentary letter to a friend, you don't have to worry about your words having a double meaning. And unlike writing to a celebrity, you know you're going to get a response. Apparently corporations get as excited about compliments as anybody; so excited that they often send you corporate swag.

The only trouble is that there aren't enough proprietary brands I like. Sure, I like pineapple juice, but Dole's juice is no better than anybody else's. I could not write them a letter in good conscience. I guess I like Saltines, but can I tell them from the store brand? Milk is milk and as far as this internet presence is concerned, coffee is coffee. Help me out folks. What brand-name products are worth gushing over?